Startling realization:

dodgyhobbit:

So, I went grocery shopping. I bought some pasta because, hey, it’s cheap and I’m broke. Also picked up a cheap bottle of wine, because, hey, cheap wine. Then, I looked at my cart: box of pasta, jar of sauce, bottle of wine; and I realized: I shop like a college freshman trying to sleep with his girlfriend for the first time.

This is beautiful.

babychronic:

She got stuck #animal #butt #Tortoise #work #life #stuck #funny #suckstosuck #sorrynotsorry #yolo #swag #whatsup #hey #714

Eep.

em4418:

Yuuup.

Hey,
I’m cute when I’m drunk.
I talk about tortoises and riding dinosaurs.

catasters:

Dog, stop breathing… You’re disturbing me…

Photo via Facebook Gatos São Perfeitos

Teamwork!

Speaking of Halloween (from my last reblog), I forgot to mention what my mom bought yesterday for me to wear for Halloween…

Yupp.
She went back to the thrift store and purchased this for, like, 30% off.
No one had bought it since we had visited.

I’m glad that of all the interests I have, this is one of the, like, two Mom also has.

It’ll be fun to be drunk dressed in this vintage Burger King uniform!

Kitten: “lulzzzz. RAWWWWR. Lullllzzzz.”

Tortoise: “Goddd. You’re annoying. Get the fuck away.”

See? I am a tortoise!

tortoise*

(Source: joshhh25)

New Career Goals

Me:

Yessss. Can't wait to pretend I have money so I can move around the world.
A:

well you have to figure out what you want to be first
Me:

Prostitute doesn't count, right?
A:

actually it counts more than anything else
A:

the gift of love is a beautiful thing, but the gift of green backs trumps all else
Me:

You speak a great truth.
Me:

Prostitution is my new temporary career goal.
A:

its a good stop gap
Me:

And if THAT fails... I'll... probably just be screwed.
A:

well you would anyways
A:

ha...
Me:

Haaa. I see what you did thurrr.
A:

bahahahah